Thawing

We are experiencing an arctic cold front here in the usually sunny South.  This strange weather has had us socked in for more than a week now.  Ice makes every path in or out treacherous for us and for anyone who might venture our way.  It has been a glorious, do-nothing time.  Hibernation.  Much needed and much appreciated after the holiday hubbub.  A time of reflection and assessment.  Big change is on the horizon but for now we are, I am, frozen here in this place.  

Giving me the time and space for some difficult inner work.  I rarely talk people down in my posts.  I have been tempted sometimes,  but is my wish to bring light when I write.  I write of making Joy our focus and intention.   I write about ascension practices.  Those who I might want to let loose on never read anything I write, so a little rant would not be likely to do much harm.  But then,  the word is a powerful thing.  Once expressed it has a way of coming to life.  I am not ready for that. Instead I say, Wage Peace.

But I have been feeling this heavy chunk of hardness growing in my (?) heart (?) soul (?) inner being...the specifics do not need to be listed here or anywhere.   Starting before the holidays but most especially weighty over Christmas when these hurts seem to be so much more unbearable for all of us  It is related, of course, to those expectations I have of the ones I would so love to give a swat to!  I am urged to expose them, at least to themselves, for the ways they have failed me and mine.  I want to shout at them, or write in all caps,

"WHAT DOES IT AVAIL A MAN TO GAIN A FORTUNE AND LOSE HIS SOUL?"

or just,

"COULDN'T YOU EVEN TRY TO DO A LITTLE BETTER?"

Just being shitty people is not murder or even assault.  They have done no real injury to me.  My outrage, my outrage and hardening is self-inflicted, you see?  And I have my own shitty history of failures and omissions  Which is the only reason I allowed myself to write these last paragraphs. "They" are just doing their life their way.  Which I did, and for which I earned my own portion of guilt and regret.  They will have to learn the consequences of what they do and fail to do, just as I have.  That thought makes me sad and sorry.  I pray for mercy for us all.

Because of this unrelenting cold, I have had opportunity in time and stillness to take a good look inside. The hardness which I thought was stone turns out to be something else.  Aha. I hold up a light that illuminates and warms that hard place in me. It isn't stone at all, I see.  Just a hunk of ice.  It melts a little under my closer observation.  In time, the light I shine on it may warm it more and cause it to melt away.  That is what I hope for.  One day, I will wake up and the hardness will be gone.

What is the light?  It is what remains of the love I have for "them" ignited by prayer.  "I trust you Father.  Papa.  Thank you for Your Mercy on me and those I love.  Keep me in the way of Your Will for me.  Amen."