light

light

Saturday, September 29, 2012

solutions

Solutions
You can't improve a situation until you improve yourself. Since you have to start somewhere, don't shrug your shoulders. Plug away. Define the problem. Develop an awareness that change is necessary for solutions to evolve. Solutions come to those who take the personal responsibility of discovering them. Once your solution is discovered, act on your own desire to create a better you. We do a disservice to ourselves and those around us when we ignore problems and fail to stand up and help solve them.

^ That is stolen from "The Daily Boost" which our Marketing Director, Ryan McGrath forwards to all the Intramed Plus staff just about every day.  I like a good affirmation and this daily column is full of those. This one appealed to me particularly because it is a theme I reckon I need to reallllllly delve into...my deep-dream-self dredged up the topic again this morning...I guess I was nudged into sub-conscious conversation by my excesses last night and then brought to my full conscious awareness as the minutes ticked by and I didn't go back to sleep and I tried to recover the word I woke up to ringing in my head but lost as I explored the notion of "how do you want to conduct the rest of your life?".  Again.

It is the wee hours that call forth these self explorations, isn't it?  I go to sleep happy and content and as the night passes I drift down into my submerged storehouse of missteps and misdeeds and left un-dones and come awake with the memory of my various sins as raw and fresh as a crow's breakfast.  Because I have to live with myself I immediately plan a reform.  By noon my resolves are generally forgotten and by bedtime I am absolved again. Thank God it isn't that way every night.  Usually just the nights I give myself too much food, wine and such! Like last night.  And truthfully, the night before also...which was why I collected that Daily Boost.  It spoke to my morning intention to do good going forward.

"How do you want to conduct your life?  Do you have a code of conduct?  Are you the conductor of a great symphony that is your life story?  Are you leading the band in a tune of someone else's composition?  Or are you more like the conductor on a train- you ride along on it and steer and slow and speed it up but that train has its own power and is only affected by your choices and plans if that train is working right and is properly attended?"  These were the questions that cost me that ringing word.  

But the bigger question is intact:  what is your standard?  How do you conduct yourself?  

If I am honest, I am not living up to my expectations.  Yet I spend much more of my energy thinking about the conduct of others and how if they would just do what I want, when I want, how I want I would be happier and my life would be better as theirs surely would too.  That is the correction in course I wish to make.  The one that chooses to take the higher ground myself.  To follow the healthier path without thinking who's head of me or behind.  To take and stay steady on the right track. 

Sunday, July 15, 2012

Yes Sister, You Are My Wish Come True

(A Little Thank You Note to the Universe :))

I've just come back from a gathering of the most delicious women.  My Nia Sisters.  We meet on Tuesday evenings to dance and share our spirits and stories.  We eat together afterward but the feast is more about spending time in each other's company.  As we broke up tonight Nancy asked me: "Are we what you wished for?"

It is such a great story I have to tell it again.

I wished for friends.  It was at a point in my life ...we all come to it I guess...I had narrowed my borders so close with the tasks of getting through the work week and being me in my family role so particularly that I had no time or energy or inclination to go outside of that definition of my life.  I had my small nuclear family and a big extended family and a few dear folks that have been faithful through the years in spite of my neglect.  In each of these circles my role was so very defined that  I was bored with my own self.  I was the same me for so long I sometimes felt like a mannequin of me.  And I went on that way for awhile not even minding how still I had become in my life.  Somehow, through some sparkling gift from the Universe, the notion came to me that I was lonely for something/someone/some state of being other than that in which I was rooted.  Not that there was anything wrong in my life.  It was just lacking something.  And so on some New Year's Eve I wished a wish I had never even thought to wish before.  I wished for friends.

I was not specific.  I hardly dared hope that at this stage of living I would have opportunities to meet new people or that if ever I did they would want to have anything to do with the likes of me.  But that is the nature of wishes, isn't it?  To hope beyond the likelihood of  having that hope fulfilled.  And I got so lucky.

There is a path of thought that says that what we can dream up for ourselves can and does become manifest if we allow it to.  In fact, whatever we can imagine for ourselves is set in motion for us by the thought of it alone and all we must do is be present and open to the unfolding.

So last July, wish made and half-forgotten I made an appointment with hypotherapist, Sandy Agee to explore a notion I had for self improvement.  And that is one beginning of the story of the Sisterhood of the Tuesday Night Nia Class.  Sandy invited me to join her dance class on Tuesday nights after I had finished my four session hypnosis therapy with her.  She was so generous to share her group with me and I loved the class from hello.  Never did I imagine how every week would bring me more and more joy..in the dancing...in the music... and in these remarkable women.  And never could I have imagined how full my life would start to feel just from the association with the Nia Sisterhood.  Let me introduce you.

Sandy first.  Sandy Agee is a healer.  She has enormous confidence and intuition...on top of that she is supported by having already had a stellar career in government/administration.  She explores all kinds of healing modalities, is rich with experiences and is ready always for more.  She likes my phrase for the love of clothing and fabrics: to be a "textilian" and she IS one!  Sandy adorns herself when she dresses-I love her taste!  She shares her life with her son Adam who has been quadriplegic for many years and her beloved Walt who is a gastric lymphoma survivor.  She speaks of their independence and success and I know she supports them with her great spirit! 

Nancy Whitlock is our teacher.  I wonder if you can imagine her when I say:  she is all grace, top to bottom, inside and out.  She has a teenager's body and a mass of curly, silver hair.  Dance is what she was made for and somehow she takes us along with her...I don't know how to say it in simple, down-to-Earth words...I arrive at class at the end of the work day feeling like lead has replaced my blood and I am tired and my brain is slogging along barely engaged enough to propel me through the classroom door.  She starts the music and begins the class and leads my sisters and I through familiar steps to get us moving again and then adds new moves and she guides us to breathe and stretch and by the time the class is over I am back to life and feeling younger than I am.When Nancy laughs it sounds like little bells.

Delores Pluto is "still mountain".  She has a responsible downtown job with the department of education and on top of that teaches yoga and knows how laughter is medicine.  Delores plays ukelele and other things and has a song book you can't believe.  She is quietly brilliant and very at home in her skin and I wish she would go to India with me because she would be the one to navigate the crowds and find the temples and know enough of the language ahead of time to locate food and water and shelter and rides. She would probably pick up zithyr and learn how to mesmerize cobras while she was there.  

Our just-retired lady minister, Lisa Thorpe sounds like New York City when she speaks, shoots straight, packs a powerful punch, is painted in bold strokes. Snapping brown eyes and rich colors are the impression you get as she flashes though your presence.  She is very clear about everything and gets you clear too.  I have to hang on tight to keep up with this fireball.  Guess what else:  she is funny!  I would have loved to be in her congregation and I hope someday to get her to hold a service somewhere I can attend.  Just a tiny lapse in your retirement Lisa?

Judy next.  Judy Smith is put-together, confident, direct, engaged and engaging.  She is a southern lady to her cells and a natural manager.  Sometime I need to tell her how much she reminds me of my Aunt LaVerne.  Although she too has just retired, I predict that it will not be too long before Judy has taken up a second career...this time one of her own passion and design. Maybe something mentoring people... Judy has a talent for drawing people out.  She asks the exactly right questions that bring ones truest answers right to the surface and before you know it you are revealed.  Then she spins you positive and smiles that southern lady smile before you know it you are blogging or sketching or off on some other natural path you never dreamed of. 

Our Georgene...I hope she won't be mad when I write that I think of her as elven...no, not like a Santa's elf or an elf on the shelf or a shoemaker's elf....more like the ones we came to know from Tolkien in the Lord of The Rings.  Small-framed and sprite-like in her movements, deep, thoughtful and wise in her intellect and her approach to others.  From the first time I heard I was going to meet Georgene I felt expectant.  I felt I was going to be meeting an old friend.  Turns out she is the only person I have ever met since high school that attended Pine Crest in Ft. Lauderdale.  She is not the Georgene I left behind and lost from Seaford but she is my new friend Georgene Clower that I was lucky enough to find in this treasured circle of sisters.  OH!  If you want to know something good about yourself go to Georgene:  she finds the best thing about a person and makes it sound even better in the telling. Over the last while she has written me letters via email that have been so sweet they have brought me to tears. 

And now for my fellow "token tot", Connie Fogle. I cannot think of her without grinning and that's the truth!  At 53 years old with just weeks between our birthdays, for us to be "tots" in our circle is pretty remarkable and a great joy to each of us to be sure!  I wrote here once that Connie and I are "in sync"....when I read her blog profile I felt I could have been reading my own.  But she is a sunbeam.  She radiates joy and enthusiasm.  She is creative and spontaneous.  She travels like an explorer.  She records and shares her vision of the world through her photography and writing.  Connie samples the world with courage and meets people so easily...She and I are often boisterous when we are together.  I think that worries her but I just love it every time we play and I get to laugh loud and hard!  And I miss her when she is gone off on one of her jaunts and don't get to see her for a week or two. Like now.  She's off with that glorious husband of hers, Carl ("hell yeah") to Maine (sigh) and I hope she is having big fun but I wish I was in the backseat!

And our newest sister, Nan Ford has just started coming out with the class most nights for the supper after dancing and is bringing great new flavor to our lively conversations!  I am looking forward to knowing her better and learning from her too.  It is clear already that she is brainy and deeply spiritual as well as being lots of fun.

In the Spring most of us met at the Blugil in Cherry Grove for a weekend retreat and house party.  We drank wine and made music, we did laughter yoga, made jewelry, danced on the deck and blew soap bubbles into the night, we feasted and rested and talked and laughed.  Around the table that last night I told them about the wish I had made:  that old wish for friends.  It came to me sitting there in that circle of women that my wish had  manifested beyond my own power to imagine.  When we gather we are laughing and talking, serious and funny, planning and dreaming up new adventures for ourselves.  From our Tuesday night dancing and supper I bring back energy and enthusiasm and fresh ideas that carry me through my week.  The music and movements come home with me too (listen...look....ahhhhhhhhhhh) and I find myself dancing down the hall to one of our routines.

Yes Nancy, you all are what I wished for!  You make me want to live a long time and be healthier and a better person than I am!  In the company of my Nia Sisters for the whole ride!  See you Tuesday, and Tuesday and Tuesday and more and more and more!